Since I only ever keep my New Year’s resolutions for roughly eight hours, and most of my resolutions are a work of fiction anyway, Hadleigh and Maura have generously offered to give me a list of their own resolutions that they assure me they will have no problem keeping.
2010 Twin Toddler Resolutions by Maura & Hadleigh
1. We will have random meltdowns at any given time. And guess what, the older we get, the more magnificent in volume and scale they will be. They may be for no logical reason (in your mind). We may tell you “NO!” We may even call you “Bad Mommy!” We’ll definitely have more than a few of these in public as well. We’ve started to arch our backs, hold our breaths, and cry for a good twenty minutes about not getting our way. We love to throw ourselves on the floor, then come running to you, and then remember that we are mad at you, so push you away, lie on the floor again, cry even harder because we want you to comfort us, go to you to comfort us, and start cycle all over again. On average, expect to have meltdowns of varying degrees about 1 every twenty minutes.
2. We will continue to put our food on our head, in our ears, and most assuredly, up our noses. We love the feel of oatmeal in our hair, and believe it is a great conditioner. The same goes for spaghetti, yogurt, and maple syrup. If we are expected to go visit someone, or are having company come to the house, please know we are going to try to make our hair look its best, so food will be put in it. As far as the food up our noses and in our ears, we just think it’s hilarious to see you totally flip out and run from one high chair to another, so it purely for our entertainment.
3. Speaking of food – we’ll become even more finicky about it. The dish that we loved a few nights ago we will turn up our noses at tonight. We will continue to throw our food on the floor when we tell you we are done and you tell us two more bites. We are DONE! If it were up to us, we would only eat popsicle, green beans, and blueberries every day. Maybe some milk and a snack or two. If you insist on us eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner, we appreciate you trying to switch up the menu so it’s not the same every night, but really – how many ways can you cook pasta? Use one of the many cookbooks you have that you yell at us to stay away from. That”s why we pull them out – we’re trying to give you the hint to use them!
4. We may or may not begin potty training this year. We are only 20 months old, and although you have had some success with us, we’re going to keep you on your toes. We’re still going to try to stick our hands in our poopy diapers just to see you flip out (again – it’s funny), we’re going to fight you with wearing a diaper, with getting our diapers changed, anything having to do with diapers. We are going to love running around the house nudie cutie (you like it too – you play that game of pinching the cutie patootie). We’ll still sit on our potties before bath time, but then we’re going to still try to stand in them, put our toys in them, flush the big toilet, unroll the toilet paper, and generally drive you crazy. We’ll tell you we’ve pooped, sometimes even when we haven’t, and then get mad when you check the diaper. Which will cause a meltdown. See resolution #1.
5. When we want to do something, we want to do it NOW! When we want something, we want it NOW! If we don’t get our way, we will repeat continuously what we want (i.e. We want to color, so we say; “cuy-wer, cuy-wer”). Then louder. “CUY-WER! CUY-WER!” MAMA! CUYWER!” Usually you give in, because you know if you don’t it results in a meltdown. Again, see #1.
6. You will repeat “don’t touch, no, don’t push, don’t stand on that, sit down, off, close that ____, get away from that_____, tell your sister you”re sorry, share” a few dozen times a day. You will also gasp, look disapprovingly, and give a mean Mommy face at least once a day.
7. We will do something so unbelievably ornery and so stinking cute at the same time you will have a hard time keeping a straight face as you try to discipline us. Count on us doing this at least a few times a week.
8. We’ll become even more brazen in our stunt antics. We’ll climb out of cribs, scale chairs, tables, couches, virtually anything that we shouldn’t. We’ll be very creative in what we use to help us scale these heights: empty diaper boxes (that had been makeshift bumper cars ten minutes before) buckets that our blocks are stored in, even our books are amazingly stackable! And these are only a preview of what you have seen us do! Just wait Mommy – we’ve been practicing on our stuffed animals and toys as well.
9. Bath times and bed times will be a roller coaster of emotions. At any given point, we may be happy and laughing, running around our room nudie cutie excited for the bath, or crying in the tub because we have to have our hair washed. We may be happy because our hair has bubbles in it or sad because the water has gone bye-bye. We may be laughing because we are singing our teeth brushing song or crying because we finished drinking our cup of water after brushing our teeth. We may want to sit on your lap and read stories all night, or can’t wait to get in our cribs and bounce and laugh at each other. During each evening, one of us (if not both) will be told to get away from the diaper pail, to sit down in the tub, to shut the drawers, to get out of the bathroom. Regardless, every night, we will be sad because it means that we won’t see you until morning. Unless we decide to wake up and call out your name, and then we know you’ll come and rock us, and kiss us, and tell us we’re ok.
10. Despite what kind of hell we may have put you through that day, and no matter how many times you say to us that we’re lucky we’re cute, when you go to check on us before you go to bed, you will forget all the trouble we caused that day. You will thank God for your healthy, beautiful daughters, and will laugh silently at our antics from the day. You’ll smile at how we came up to you and gave you a hug and a kiss just because. You’ll feel a bit guilty that we cried when you left for work. You’ll look down and see how much we are growing every day. But You will marvel that we still sleep like we did when we were in your womb, Maura with her tushie up, and Hadleigh all stretched out. You will make sure we are snuggled up, safe and secure, for now, and always. And that’s the only resolution you ever need to keep Mommy.
Tags: meltdowns, new years, new years resolutions, potty training, resolutions, toddlers, twins
